celebrating a birthday

For some people, after the age of 18 celebrating your birthday is just a reminder of what you missed out on and how much closer you are to the grave. For others, myself included, it is a simple day to pause and reflect on that one person just for a day.

I think a birthday is a good time to celebrate a person for being them. Not their achievements, their stuff, their job, their relationships, their position in society or any of those other things that we layer onto ourselves, just us.

SO, it will come as no surprise to you that I do not think highly of the modern north american child's birthday party. WHY can a child's birthday party not be about coming together to chant that child's name, laugh together, play together and be selfless pouring  energy into that person for one day?

I am blessed (in so many ways) that my wife has accepted the challenge this year of operating the birthday party formalities but I have come here to this humble soap box to rant about my favourite thoughts on birthday party shenaginery.

WHY are their gifts?

"Look dude, I am not good with the words of praise or smiling or having fun and stuff so my parents bought this gift for you so that you could have more stuff. Think of this gift as a representation of my good feelings for you. OK. Cool. Now bring on the expensive party and lavish goody bags dude!"

Seriously, why is the whole gift giving thing so important? Particularly when lately I have seen my own kids getting a lot of iTunes and store gift cards or cash. Ewww, that's just weird that some kid/parent just took money out of their wallet, slapped into a card and passed it along to my kid.

"Hey kid, go buy yourself something nice"

When I was a kid, gifts at your birthday party were a chance to actually get new toys. It was awesome! Now, the toy aisle sucks. Now, the options for cool gifts kind sucks and there is nothing more depressing than getting a piece of plastic that allows you to buy another app that will keep you entertained for a month on your iDevice. Gifts for kids birthday parties sucks.

-sigh-

I am left so empty and exhausted from this rant.... finally its over. OH WAIT! I have my top list of problems I have with kids birthday parties these days!

1. The Competitive Party Experience!
   Since when did parents decide that kids birthday parties was another thing to add into the competiting with the Jones! Stop the madness.
   
2. Gifts that Suck!
   Why bother getting a gift if its just going to suck. An iTunes gift card sucks! A slingshot doesn't suck. Oh wait, helicopter parents think slingshots are evil!
   
3. Loot Bags with value?
   Seriously, when did a loot bag value equal or exceed the value of the gift we gave your kid? I hate loot bags, think they shouldn't exist and think they are like some kind of propaganda package.
   
4. Making an Appearance?
   So, your life is so busy that you can't get your kid to the birthday party on time so you stop in with the kid and he makes an appearance, presents the gift and takes a loot bag? What, is he a politician?
   
5. Making "the list".
   Oh good legolas, the process of making the correct guest list for a birthday party these days takes longer than writing Lord of the Rings! Pick 3 friends, thats all that fits in our car so we can take them all to McDonalds play land!
   
6. The last minute RSVP
   YES, my son will be coming to your party, sorry for the last minute notice. I know its tomorrow and you are having it at a place where the number of attendees matters and you filled that slot. Shame it is.
   
7. The Age Cut Off
   It should be 10, no older. It's crazy, they should be adults by 11 and this horror can end.
   
8. Party?
   Party implies fun and celebration, these days its about a performance!

alone we should not be

we achieve a certain amount of preparation in our silent moments to ourselves but it is in our time with others that we truly are able to make a difference in the world.

entitlement

Is there something out there in the world that you feel is owed to you?

Have you "earned" a right to step in line ahead of someone else and claim the prize?

Air travel is a regular part of my work and I love to sit and watch people approach the departure gate in the time before boarding. Occasionally I get a glimpse of someone trying to find a cheaper way to get bumped to the front of the plane. It's hilarious to watch their composure before, during and after their attempt. You can see their posture, facial expression and even how they utilize their wardrobe as they prepare to get what they want, a better lot than the rest of us.

On a recent flight I saw it happen again and it reminded me of my distaste for this facet of our society. Over the years I have met many people who believe that they or or their family has done work, paid money, influenced, etc, etc such that they can benefit above others. What is hilarious though is to find out that behind the scenes, the actual cost of establishing this poise to strike at entitlement ahead of the masses is actually cheaper than one might assume. I have found its more about story telling (sometimes truthfully) than it is about personal sacrifice. Of course those of us sitting on the sidelines assume that they have done something to deserve this privilege but ironically what they have done to deserve it is deceive the rest of us.

I think to wise advice I have heard (apparently from a rich man), that a rich man doesn't stay rich by wasting his money but a fool and his money are soon parted.

Do we sit idly by and watch others claim greater privileges in our world because they are smooth talkers? Do we allow this to happen in our businesses, workplaces, churches, charities, sports events or government? Is it a fair reward for their acting skills?

And yes, in the past I have smooth talked my way into executive class seating, but to be perfectly honest I stopped years ago and I tried to have a conversation with the person next to me and realized, I wasn't one of them.

do I want to be a part of moon shot thinking?

How much of the 6 hours left in my day after the work-sleep-eat-cycle can/should I spend on entertainment?  Well, if you have a family like me you decide to spend quality time with your wife and kids but what do you do with the rest of it?

I understand that we have a great privledge of free time and don't want to waste it. Many people in the world don't get "free" time and many have so much free time but nothing to do in it.

I remember my Grade 8 social studies teacher lamenting to our class about how leisure time will be huge for our generation. He said that we would either end up working in that industry or enjoying it. I remember very few details other than him going on at length several times about the types of activities he thought about. I do remember thinking his vision of my adult future sounded more like summer camp than what my parents were living.

Fast forward to today and where I live in the world I suppose we do have more leisure time than my grand parents did at my age. I am lucky enough to work a day shift, Monday to Friday at a job that is not dangerous that pays well. What I find ironic about our leisure time, compared to the vision my grade 8 teacher had, is how much a screen of some sort is involved. A smart phone, tablet, monitor or TV is a big part of leisure time in society today. We squeeze in "social" time, game time, reading time, movie time, music time and a variety of other screen based pursuits to entertain ourselves. My grade 8 teacher was right about one thing, we entertain ourselves more hours in the week than ever before and more jobs are tied to it than ever before. I don't think he had devices and screens in mind though.

Some of us do spend some of our leisure time in pursuits he had envisioned like golfing, fishing, biking, skiing, etc, etc. Sadly, I am fairly certain that the statistics speak for themselves, the screen dominates. Entertaining ourselves with the screen is a new norm and one that is broadly accepted. A norm that I am trying to reject, but not finding a great deal of will power to do so. My question to myself is how much time should I spend each week on:

• Time with my wife 
• Time with my kids
• Time entertaining myself on a screen
• Time entertaining myself with reading
• Time entertaining myself with the arts
• Time creating new stuff on a screen 
• Time creating new stuff with tools and materials
• Time in activities that are fun but also provide exercise
• Time creating new opportunities for income
• Time expressing myself through the arts
• Time learning new mental skills
• Time learning new physical skills
• Time in activities that challenge me mentally and physically
• Time in activities that involve exploring new spaces
• Time in activities that are building  or contributing to a goal much bigger than my own but that I am passionate to be a part of. 

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Dude, you think too much! Or yikes man, talk about over analysis. Both statements can at times be true but consider moonshot thinking on a personal scale.

What can I do that contributes to my moonshot? Is it even possible to do so without planing my activities and doing this analysis and deep thought? Can we contribute to our own moon shots by just playing around, having fun, living in the moment and entertaining ourselves?

working better together to change the world

I have been fascinated by the idea of communal living and the benefits of sharing. Sharing tools with each other and helping to learn new tools and solve problems together. This very concept seems like something that comes from deep within me as if programmed to try to do this.

In real life however, I do not live near the people that are in my circles of connection. In fact my physical neighbours are almost more of a buffer of anonymity than they are human connections that matter to me. Kinda sad when I reflect on it. I have chosen, perhaps without thinking, to choose to not associate with them socially (outside of summer street meetings) for one reason or another, except where very convenient. Of course I do know people who have neighbours that have become friends and their stories are such that I think we too would have found ourselves in good relationships but in our case we have not been so fortunate to find that relationship connection opportunity, yet.

On the other hand, I do have connections with people outside my neighbourhood that are incredibly valuable to my personal development and well being. I do have access to technology that would let me connect with them one-on-one and in groups regularly.

So now the question to myself.

What if you could connect with 9 other people once per week for 30 minutes and in that time 1 person (on rotation) would share with the group a tool/technique/idea that they have learned that helps us to work better together.

Just talk or share image or slides, for up to 30 minutes the show is yours. You can share something you have personally discovered or something you have read or watched, whatever thing that you found to be so interesting or cool that you thought you would want your friends to also see.


Some would say that opportunities to do this in person already exist out there. I would have to agree but I find that I have let my life get too busy to make it comfortable to fit in the extended social gathering that would facilitate the interactions I desire.

Regardless of the how, what or when I think the why is incredible. Why would I want to see this happen for myself? Why would I want 10 men all over the world to meet to discuss ways to work better together.  Not working harder together to make money, fight wars or impose our ideals on others. Working BETTER together in my mind is the Godly challenge of changing the world for the better.  Helping all of us come to terms with how greed is not collaborative. Teaching ourselves that military forces serves only one purpose and that is to justify more military force for them or us. Working to learn to ways to make our paid employment less of a burden on us, our families and our community and make our environment a place filled with love, peace and satisfaction.

There is a place I go to with my family where we find community, work and beauty and it is like a recharge. It is not a private place or an oasis away from people but it is a place where God's creation embraces you and you feel our human history of working poorly together start to pull away from you and be replaced with inspiration that feeds you with the desire to be innovative with each other.

I would like to recreate that feeling of innovative coaching in my weekly routine where I do not have this special place at my disposal.  I would like to be a part of 10 men working to change the world into a better place.

catalyst

lyrics to consider.  imagine U2 with Bono singing it?

you wake up and see the same pain of yesterday
you drink your coffee and mourn the need
you long for Sunday, for rest, for time to heal 
you feel tired like a part of you has died but you do not bleed

you have a list of all you would fix and how
you won't let the wrong sit, but where to start
you are no one important, no one in the right place. 
you ache for change, the change is in your heart

the change you become, the change you will be 
the world needs your mind, and your vision to see

you're a catalyst, you leave a legacy
your voice echos on and on and on into eternity

I don't know where to turn and look for help
my money leaves a trail of blood and pain
the way its made, the toil required
my heart aches thinking of the stain

my distance, my desire, my needs they take
my quest is to replace, replenish and give
how can we stop our rape of the world
how can we find our balance and live

the change you become, the change you will be 
the world needs your mind, and your vision to see

you're a catalyst, you leave a legacy
your voice echos on and on and on into eternity

you know there are things to make right
I am scared to speak out and talk
you know we need to continue the fight
I have to lead the way and start the walk

I can change the world by talking to one
You can shape the future by telling the story
I will share my thoughts and then its begun
You will plant a thought and watch it grow

the change you become, the change you will be 
the world needs your mind, and your vision to see

you're a catalyst, you leave a legacy
your voice echos on and on and on into eternity

we need hope that we will learn from our mistakes
we feel the love of connecting with one another
we know the earth responds when we stop the bad
we know deep down we are sister and brother

we can start the train that changes tomorrow
we have the power to change now 
we want people to be around forever
we will shout our dreams out loud 

the change you become, the change you will be 
the world needs your mind, and your vision to see

you're a catalyst, you leave a legacy
your voice echos on and on and on into eternity

the change I will become, the change I will be 
the world needs my mind, and my vision to see

I am a catalyst, I leave a legacy
My voice will echo on into eternity


the catalyst, written by Dale Clark


Now I just need the music to go with it and can hit the road. Simple chords please with a YouTube tutorial perhaps? 

recipes for success - professional development

After two days at a professional development forum I am reminded of yet another recipe for success, take the time to for professional development.  

While we regularly have opportunities to improve our skills for our job, we also need to take the time to improve our overall person and see out opportunities to stretch ourselves. We need to be reminded that working with people, data, information, concepts, etc is something that is always changing and improving. We need to hear and read how other people think so we can reflect on how we think about the same things. 

After we take the time to develop ourselves we then need to share that information with others to further develop ourselves and contribute to the same of others. 

I will try to write more and at to this but I wanted to share this before I forgot.